FRIENDS ON ALL SIDES

Somehow or other I've ended up with all kinds of friends. If I were to work out what makes them friends, I think it might give my head a bit of a spin. As I realised today with a choked up-throat, some of them absolutely hate each other; or at least, they cannot bring themselves to tolerate each other's opinions. And there is a subsequent confusion about what that means for how they view each other as people.

I saw it today. I saw the dark side of facebook, pushing them apart, providing a platform to be used to draw up the lines of passions. An argument erupted from almost nowhere about parenting.

As I've said before, parenting is one of those landmine topics and I won't go anywhere near discussing it online, especially after today. Passions boiled over, ideologies clashed and prejudices were painfully exposed. There was bile, there was insult, there was the foulest language and above all, a colossal lack of wisdom.

I found my heart sinking as I watched it unfold. It was a boxing match with no rules and no referee. Slog went the left, 'How dare you!' shouted the right. 'Me a hypocrite?' said one, incredulously, limbering up for another punch. 'Pathetic,' replied the other. 'What would you know? **** you for judging me!' I felt as though somehow it were me that both were ripping apart, caught in the crossfire, lost and alone in no-mans-land, unable to side with either. And I felt terribly sad.

There used to be a popular paradox puzzle. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? I've thought about this a lot over the years. I've concluded that because each of these are defined in terms of other, they can't co-exist in the same universe. One will always submit to the other and prove itself the traitor. It's like a cosmic game of Chicken.

I wonder if people approach conflict in the same way, without thinking it through. I am right. I am fully persuaded. If I shout loudly enough, argue convincingly enough and blow hard enough, you, my sadly mistaken friend, will have to concur with my exalted position. It results in a checkmate. The immovable object of your opinion must bow the knee to the unstoppable power of my righteousness. The trouble is, you are equally as convinced that you are right. You are equally as determined to stand your ground, confidently safe with your three little pigs and your brick-built house while I huff and I puff outside.

Stop and think about it though, and we'll both realise that there's a roaring fire big enough for all of us to settle our differences. No-one wants a collapsed house and no-one really wants to boil a wolf in the pot, not when it comes down to it. That's what made me so sad. It seemed today like somehow the power of friendship itself was just not sufficient to stop the horrible tide of a turbulent argument.

In the end, the thread was very sensibly deleted without comment by the owner, who like me, must have watched it swarm out of control as her phone constantly beeped with notifications. At least somebody had some sense.