TEMPORARY PARESIS

I woke up with cramp shooting through my leg. I rolled around for a while, gasping with pain, clutching the petrified calf muscle. It felt like rock.

What causes cramp? Is it just random or is it down to some physiological thing? I have no idea. Perhaps it's caused by stress - although the most stressful thing I've had to do this week is watering plant pots.

Maybe it's to do with sleeping in strange circumstances. I'm still house sitting in the Museum of Someone Else's Life but you'd think my body would be used to it by now. After all, this is the fourth week in a row where I've been staying somewhere different - there was no stress-related cramping-up in the tardis tent, nor back home nor in the Peak District.

Thinking about it though, there was a bit of a thing last night. As I lay drifting off to sleep, listening to the wind, I heard the stairs creak and a cupboard opening. It sort of sounded like footsteps. I rolled my eyes from side to side and pursed my lips. The cupboard slammed shut and I bolted upright.

It turned out to be the breeze; I'd left the bathroom window open.

Do you think that would be enough to send my body into shock overnight? I'm not so sure. It wasn't like the time I got jumped on by a strange cat in the middle of the night.

That was dreadful. I was house sitting in Caversham for someone who lived in a ground floor flat. They told me to leave the bedroom window open so that Mr Percival could find his way in. I did that. The first thing that happened was that the heat found its way out and I was freezing but I stuck to instructions. Meanwhile, Mr Percival had disappeared for a few days, squealing and scratching his machiavellian way through the neighbourhood, I suppose.

Eventually one night, he remembered where he lived and flew in through the window like a tiny furry bullet, landing squarely on my nose, which had been poking out of the top of the tightly wrapped duvet.

Mr Percival and I didn't really get on. When my friends got back from South Africa I suggested they got a cat flap.

I digress. As I pushed my foot against the carpet and arched my back until my pulsating leg was straight, I felt the pain gradually subside until it was merely pins and needles. I looked at the clock. 5:35am. I was wide awake. Brilliant.