SUSHI AND CHOCOLATE IN THE PARK

I’ve got my Revels and I’m in the park, sitting on a damp bench in the soppy grass.

I got barked at by a tiny dog.

“It’s okay,” said the owner, hobbling towards me, “It’s just she doesn’t like hats.”

“Hats?” I said, surprised, though my throat had got a bit stuck from the shock of actual interaction with strangers, and I was certain I’d accidentally said, “cats?” There was no time to think about that.

“We don’t know why,” replied the lady. The little terrier scampered round me, growling and snapping like a furry crocodile. I thought briefly about taking off my hat, but I decided it might make for further awkwardness.

So I’m out here thinking, and eating Revels. A couple of benches along, a girl in Lycra is doing her exercises as though she were in a gym. The contrast couldn’t be clearer. Over there, pep-talk and lunges; here, a little guy scoffing a huge bag of Revels.

The other day I came out here with sushi. I like sushi, though I’ve never understood it. It was a plastic box of assorted bits, nigiri, those tightly wrapped up bits of rice and salmon, and a couple of sweet-tasting cakes that look like mini-swiss-rolls.

I sliced it open and all the bits went everywhere. Some on the bench, some on the floor, some rolling into the grass. I salvaged what was left.

What are you supposed to do with the condiments? There are three normally: a tiny fish-shaped bottle of soy sauce, a packet of flakes of ginger, and a sachet of wasabi. I’ve never known! I squeeze drops of soy sauce onto some of the rice-wrap things, but are you supposed to pour it all out into the plastic tray and dip them in it? They’re not really a dippable shape.

I tried the same with the wasabi once but honestly, it nearly came straight out of my nostrils. You really don’t need a scoop of that stuff. And then the ginger? Do you sort of gather it up with your fingers and then squish it into things? I can’t help feeling they ought to provide a tiny fork or something. Or some instructions.

It does turn out though, that dogs love sushi. Every single dog in the park came sniffling over, nosing through the grass, looking for something that might have once scattered from the bench and the plastic tray next to me.

Well they’re not having any of my Revels. For one thing, they’re chocolate, which is famously poisonous, and for another, they’re mine, and I’m enjoying them.