RELENTLESS COMPANY OR LOVELY SOLITUDE?

The car door slammed shut and I waved at Joel as he went inside. I yawned, released the handbrake, and then pulled out into the dark road up the hill.

I quickly realised that I'd not been alone at all, for the entire day. Fourteen straight hours of being me around other people! Even extroverts are going to find that tough, surely? What about quiet internal-processors?

That was Saturday, and I'd just finished the day of worship at the Prophetic Conference. I feel like I could post thousands of words about the day itself: the weird atmosphere and the flavours, the challenging prophets and the fascination of what happens when you get a roomful of them. I won't though. At the end of the day, driving up that hill on my own, I was just simply thankful, exhausted, and totally proud of my team. And also relieved to be on my own.

The internal-processing thing is quite the challenge sometimes, especially when tired. I often feel as though I can't think fast enough, and everyone around me is way ahead. When it's you that has to make a decision, that can be really tough. I don't like leaving people hanging when they're waiting for an answer. It feels like a very rude thing - it isn't, I'm thinking - it just feels like it.

Another thing that happens is that I can get quite brusque. Now, I do need to be more assertive sometimes, certainly - so a little tiredness can add some decent sharpness to my attitude - it can be most effective. But that's a slippery slope isn't it? I'd much sooner know how to do that without the exhaustion lens.

And so the car pulled up the hill under the street lamps and I breathed relief at finally being alone after a day of non-introversion in a fourteen-hour world of extroverts.

Having said all that though, I'm still not convinced that introverts and extroverts really exist. We're all a little bit of both, and there are balances at different times.

Which kind of Saturday do I prefer? The empty ones alone, or the mad ones of endless hours of relentless company? If I'm truly an introvert (and I do lean that way), the answer ought to be obvious.

And yet, the subtle, more nuanced truth is that I really would like a balance somewhere in-between those two ridiculous kinds of Saturday - drawing energy from rest and lovely solitude, but also adoring and absorbing the brilliance of funny, sparky, smart, and friendly people. Perhaps next week... perhaps next week can be a bit more of an Ambivert Saturday? Well, I live in hope.

And solitude.

And company.