A SYNCHRONISING OF HEARTBEATS

It’s nearly 2am: another late one. Maybe an early one if you like to be pedantic. Although if you really like to be pedantic I’m late for my appointment with sleep, so it actually is another late one. As you were.

I’m awake because I felt a need to pray. I know: it sounds so super-spiritual doesn’t it? In some circles maybe I could have said I felt a ‘real burden in my spirit’ or that I was ‘moved to seek the Lord’ or something. But I don’t speak like that. And that isn’t what I mean anyway.

What I mean is that I just wanted to. In much the same way as I might stay up doing a jigsaw puzzle or watching a film, I found myself wanting to do some praying. So I did. And I think that’s okay. And now it’s super late.

I’m not saying either, that ‘just wanting to’ is how you should do it. Heavens above. I can’t tell anybody that; you should figure out that joy yourself. And I’m not trying to give you clues about how special I think my relationship with God is; that would be a weird way to fish for a compliment! No, if you know him, your relationship with him is already forged in the shared experiences of your life with him - so of course that will be unique to you. You flow with that and I’ll flow with mine.

Neither do I think there’s anything special about the time of day! Actually, I should have been asleep - it’s not ‘holy-hour’ just because the believers in this particular time zone are snoozing. If you’re a morning person, talk to him then! If you’re not a morning person, find a time when you’re alive: don’t fall for that More-Spiritual-If-You-Get-Up-Early claptrap. It’s not in the Bible. You pray when you want to. And if it happens to be in the middle of the night like me, then listen, I know how you feel. Tired, mostly:

I’m not belittling the burden, by the way. And I’m not trying to be irreverent. I too have gears for prayer, and sometimes I can flip into different modes. I think tonight, as I sat alone in my flat, I just needed someone to talk to very deeply, and the Friend of Sinners was up and listening, ready to laugh and love with me.

That to me feels like what prayer should be like actually - a sort of synchronising of heartbeats until you laugh and love with the one who set your funny heart in motion in the first place. If you’ve never tried it, give it a go. It’s worth being real. Though if he tells you to go to sleep as you have work in the morning, it is probably best to listen. He’s not wrong.