TIME ELVES

We're in that weird part of the year now, when it's awkward saying 'Happy New Year' to people we haven't seen yet. I have a meeting with someone in a bit, and I'm pondering how to kick it off. To me it seems like the year is old enough not to be 'new' any more, though I do still wish it to be 'happy'. 

In fact, I can barely believe it's the middle of January already. Someone at the North Pole has been ratcheting up the dial I reckon, making us spin inexorably faster. Well, hands off the dial, Time Elves - it's getting harder to enjoy things when they fly by so quickly.

Also, there are a lot of pictures going up on social media at the moment of people's kids when they were younger.

"Look how tiny! Look how sweet!"

An inevitable pause.

"What happened? LOL."

An inevitable comment.

I'll tell you what happened: the Time Elves messed with the planet and now children grow up about 500 times faster than we did. There are toddlers taller than me these days. You should see them - they tower over me with headphones and smartphones and a half-smile of derision. All it takes is a couple more nudges of the dial, and they'll be parents themselves, pushing their own toddlers around in the park.

Well anyway. Back to the middle of January. I think I might go with the evergreen "Hey how are you?" and let the year slide into what the church for one calls 'Ordinary Time'. If he says 'Happy new year' to me though, I'm absolutely going to return it with, "And also to you!"

Because actually, I think everyone needs to be wished happiness regardless of when the year of talking to them begins.

Except you, Time Elves. You don't get a happy new year. You leave that time dial alone.