Well last night I dreamed I let myself into the home of the actress Sally Phillips, and used her toilet.
She was alright about it. I tried my best to excuse myself from the confrontation in her hallway so I could let myself out, and I really was as polite as possible - though also, excruciatingly embarrassed. Sally Phillips had no idea who I was (I mean, why would she?) and I remember it feeling like it might be exactly the wrong moment to ask for a selfie.
The weird thing is though, when I woke up, I had a very real sense that I'd done this before; that I'd broken into the houses of famous people and used their toilet - but that somehow all of those dreams had all been forgotten, until this one.
My second waking thought was that I wondered whether dreaming of going to the toilet actually sped up the process in real life, and I might have... well... That hadn't happened, thankfully. All I had was a weird déjà vu of celebrity toilets.
So, do dreams have memory? How was the dream-version of me able to remember other things that had happened to him, but the awake-me had completely forgotten them? Is my subconscious really split into distinct states like that, or is there a whole bunch of stuff that goes on in my mind that I just can't remember?
How many other famous toilets have I visited in my sleep? And how many celebrities out there got a bit more annoyed rather than mildly awkward with me like Sally Phillips was, and called the Police, or threw me out like Fred at the end of The Flinstones? And why can't I remember the details?
And how many other running dreams have I got that I just can't remember? Well. Whatever it's a great reminder to use the toilet before going to bed. Seems strange that I need that kind of reminder, but there we are. I'm 43 you know. I don't always feel it.
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