TONE IT DOWN

A colleague rang me early. He's actually the only one who just calls; I'm pretty sure most people ask by chat whether it's a good moment. Not that that's a problem. I took it.

I had just logged on and was barely awake, so to overcompensate for a croaky morning voice, I blurted out an enthusiastic "Hiya!" - which, now that I think about it, is probably is the 'hiya' you give your pals at a party, rather than colleagues who ring you without checking.

"That was a very enthusiastic hello," he said. There wasn't a great deal of sunshine in his voice about it. In a flash, I replied:

"Aw yeah! I'm sorry; I'll tone it down a bit. Hellooo." And then I self-laughed at the demure way I'd tried to say hello and how it had come out as sarcastic.

-

For the rest of that call, I was sitting in front of my screen wondering why I'd felt the need to 'tone it down'. What is this? Fitting in? Dialling back because it's not... what... appropriate? Why had I said that?

I'm not suggesting that I go back to the office and start tap-dancing on the tables with a top hat and feather boa, but when natural enthusiasm is squished by the very culture it's meant to change, that's not a good sign is it? It's a little microcosmic reaction that tells me the story that I'm really not supposed to be happy at work and must 'tone it down' to be accepted. Enthusiasm ain't tolerated in these here parts.

Or perhaps, I'm just not supposed to be quite so happy first thing in the morning? Which is a wider cultural 'rule' than just work of course, but is still a story we tell ourselves and replicate. And to be fair, I really was overcompensating.