I sat under the Pagoda Tree at lunchtime; back against the trunk, feet sticking out into the ring of shade. There were some insects buzzing, and a couple of squirrels darting and rustling overhead. They looked at me suspiciously.
I call it the Pagoda Tree because in Autumn it turns oriental gold, and its layered branches and gilded leaves make it glimmer like the rising sun. It’s really just a very ordinary oak tree. Today, in the heat of summer, its leaves were full and green, and there I was, in the cool air beneath its lowest branches.
It has been hot. Baking, in fact, in that sweaty way that English summers seem to have perfected. Low thirties on the mercury (that’s 90+ for the Fahrenheit people), and humidity soaring, making pink sweltering messes out of those who ‘go out in the midday sun’. To be honest, I’ve barely been able to think straight in the heat, and keeping going through the first couple of days in the new job has been a struggle.
“If you only get 5% of it,” said my new manager, reassuringly, “That’s okay, right? No-one expects you to pick it all up straightaway.”
5% seems like a lot. I didn’t say that though; I’m trying to give myself a break. I’ve been here before - it’s always overwhelming at first, but it’ll eventually work itself out. I just have to concentrate for now. And in the heat that’s quite difficult.
What is it with squirrels? Beady eyes, always up to something?
Later, I was sitting, quietly listening to a meeting (camera off). Suddenly, there was a crash, as though something heavy had just toppled off a window sill. Whatever it was, clattered to the floor and then thudded its way down the stairs.
I took off my headphones and went out to see. I imagined it to be just the wind of course, although, it could also have been the glass bottle I froze overnight, cracking as the ice melted.
What I didn’t expect to see was a bushy-tailed squirrel darting up and down my stairs! It had jumped in through an open window (they’re all open) and the poor thing couldn’t find its way out! And (who knew they did this) it was making a horrible little croaking sound. Panicked? Probably. Angry? I hoped not.
Now. What do you do with a squirrel that’s beside itself with hysteria, when you’re upstairs, the only door is downstairs, and it, is bouncing around your hallway like an exploding furball? Could I call someone to come and open the door from the outside? They’d need keys. Could I climb out of the window and shimmy down to the front garden? Maybe I could throw the keys out of the window and then call for help?
But what would anybody think of that? I mean it’s a squirrel; it’s not exactly a grizzly bear going nuts on my staircase.
I did the only thing I could think of. I started talking to it.
“Come on then,” I said as sweetly as I could, “Let’s get you out of here.” It darted behind my shoes. I crept down the stairs. I don’t know why I imagined I could reason with it - maybe it’s an inbuilt human thing to imagine that everything you want to influence responds to language - and English as well! Nonetheless, there I was reassuring a squirrel that everything would be alright if he just kept still and waited for me to get to the door.
My heart thumped. I definitely did not want to be lacerated to ribbons by the wild claws of a climbing rodent - what a terrible way to go! I had no particular desire to be bitten with its pointy little teeth either. I didn’t want a trip to A&E and I didn’t want to have to consider what diseases might be lurking beneath its fur. It cowered and croaked as I did my best to lean across to the door-latch. And what if it gets so scared it poos itself? I tried my absolute best to push that thought out of my head.
Then, very quickly, I was there! Sunlight flooded in, the door swung open. In a flash, the little squirrel bombed out and ran full-pelt towards the road, the park and the trees. I closed the door with my foot and sighed with relief.
Starting a new job feels a bit strange you know. I miss my old trees - though it was time to leave. I wonder whether I’m like the squirrel: frightened, confused, not exactly sure where I’ve landed and trying to not to cower in the corner.
I don’t think so actually. I think I’m more together than that, and I think I’m okay, even if at times today, I’ve felt like bombing around in a panic. Can I do this job? Am I up to the challenge? Will I ever understand this massive and complex software I have to figure out?
I say yes, to all three. It might take me a while, but I’ll be alright.
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