EASY DOES IT

The end is in sight. Yesterday, after about 140 days, we exchanged contracts and kick-started the definite end of the Unsettling Adventure. We got a house!

I phoned the people at Self Storage HQ.

I’m pretty sure I found myself speaking to the same pen-clicking, office-chair-swivelling guard who signed me up.

“Yeah so that’s on your record now (click). Just come in on Wednesday (click) and clear out (click) your unit (click click) and then come into the office and sort it out (click), alright?”

“Sure. Thanks for your help!” I said.

One more trip to Stuff Jail then - and it’ll be Emancipation Day for the sofa and wardrobe and dismantled bed, the boxes and crates and bags and floor lamps that are currently wedged in there. To Sammy’s eye-rolling ‘delight’ I always give a loud, “Hello Stuff!” whenever we pop down for a visit. Next time though, we’ll be taking the stuff home.

I must admit, I’m quite overwhelmed about it. Celebrating the news was much easier for all our WhatsApp pals, who reacted with emojis of delight. For us though, there was a quietness about last night that felt a bit like the stopping of cannons at a ceasefire. You celebrate those kind of victories differently when it’s cost you more than you imagined.

I haven’t been doing so well with it all, to be honest. In a twist of coincidence, last night was also the start of six weeks of Group-CBT for me: an attempt, recommended by my doctor, to help me feel a bit better about things.

“I don’t think I should be here,” I thought silently as the characters introduced themselves. The two young practitioners smiled and made deliberate eye contact with each of us as we each held up a nervous hand.

“I’m Matt,” I smiled, weakly, round the table. There was a tremble of failure in my voice. It’s so odd that as Christians we feel such internal failure at having to go through this kind of thing. My Dad once had a book that was called ‘The Happiest People on Earth’, and the introduction made me feel as though I could never ever have a down day. It’s weird that that lie got stuck in my head.

I think a lot of things about happiness. There’s a quiet sort of happiness going into the next season, but it can’t be rah-rah-rah-bunting and prosecco. It’s gentler, longer lasting, more elegant, I hope. I think CBT will be helpful. As with many things, it’s up to me to make it work, and the first step is being willing to have a go at that, isn’t it?

Sometimes the happiest people on earth don’t have to be the loudest. That’s what you’ll hear me whisper from the sofa in our new house, I reckon. Easy does it.