PROFESSOR RICHARD DAWKINS ON THE OXFORD CANAL TOWPATH

Right. I am like 98% certain I just passed Richard Dawkins on the Oxford Canal towpath. It was him!

Now I know what you’re going to say, and yes, I did see ‘Gary Barlow in a Smart Car’ once. And yes, the Tom Cruise smiling at me that time over the top of the shelves in HMV was admittedly, a cardboard cutout, even though I was adamant about it at the time… but honestly, Professor Richard Dawkins was just shuffling up the canal path as I was striding back to the station for my train home.

He looked older than I’d have predicted. But that makes sense - he probably is. Also, I wasn’t expecting the Hawaiian shirt and the Tesco bag, but I suppose even Santa has a swimsuit and a comfy pair of slippers. But! Unlike Tom and Gary, Professor Richard Dawkins really does live in Oxford, so it’s not inconceivable that the emeritus professor of evolutionary biology at New College, Oxford, should be heading home up the Oxford canal on a sunny afternoon. And it’s not inconceivable that I should pass him while he does.

I should point out here that Tom Cruise does not live in an HMV store. I’d be surprised if he knew what that was, let alone beaming over the top of the half price CDs. I mean, it was big news when he ordered two curries that one time - you’d definitely remember the headline “Tom Cruise now living in HMV; nobody knows why.” Mission improbable indeed.

Neither does Gary Barlow live in a Smart Car. That would be tragic. And yes, you can make up your own fictional headline for that one.

Anyway. Before I’d had the chance to process that Professor Richard Dawkins was in front of me, he was beside me, and I was doing a double-take. Before I’d had the chance to say, “Oh! You’re Richard Dawkins!” he was behind me, and the distance was quickly doubling. I bet he knew who he was as well. Hard to know whether he would have celebrated my two second science experiment and my immediate conclusion of a proven, evidence-based hypothesis. He might have been sarcastic. As it was, he was behind me, heading to the Aristotle Bridge while I was barrelling on down the leafy towpath.

I always thought I’d have a torrid time in a debate with Dawkins. Like a goldfish trying to prove to an elephant that you can’t live without water. I’m glad there was no time for that kind of chat. I spent the rest of my walk trying to work out how I could prove it was really him, and I hadn’t just done a gawpy double-take at a random 82-year-old member of the public, who’d just bought himself a lovely fish supper at his local Tesco’s.

And you? How are you to believe it was really him? I have presented no real evidence. Oh well. I guess you’ll just have to take it on faith.