NOSTALGIA FM

I went to the hygienist this morning. It’s always a bit of a rollercoaster of pain, guilt and relief, having your teeth scraped and your gums poked. It’s also a bit weird when the dental hygienist is your sister.

Anyway, that aside, today she was listening/working to a radio tuned to what I think might as well be called ‘Nostalgia FM’ - featuring hits from the 1980s and 1990s. 

The 90s, particularly, are having a bit of a comeback, so the cool kids tell me. Though today’s cool kids weren’t there the first time round of course, so the comeback has a whiff of irony and sarcasm about it - probably just as the 60s comeback of the mid 1990s had from my generation towards our hippie parents. History has a weird way of recycling nostalgia every thirty years or so, wouldn’t you say?

Anyway, on came Bryan Adams as if to prove my point.

“Got my first real six string. Bought it at the five and dime.”

He bought a guitar at the pound shop. He’s done well out of it I’ll give him that. The only thing I’d say is that it’s a bit rich to think back about ‘what went wrong’ when he was literally a global rockstar. Poor old Bryan.

Then it was Don Henley’s ‘Boys of Summer’, another late-summer classic. I thought of my friend Sarah, who at this point would probably be one Bon Jovi away from joining in with the vocals.

Hard to do though when your sister’s jabbing you in the mouth under an interrogation lamp.

Nostalgia FM. I could do it. I could be a DJ on Nostalgia FM. All you’ve got to do is emphasise a few odd words in a sentence and then pretend as though almost everything deserves an exclamation mark…

“That was ‘Hotel California’ by the Eagles! - Great tune that, and I very much hope Marjorie from Kettering enjoyed that as she did indeed request it in its entirety, might. I. Add! But don’t put that air guitar away just yet Marjorie! Plenty of hits coming up after the Nostalgia News and the all-new! rose-tinted weather report! Meanwhile, here’s Rick Astley with his second most-famous hit…”

I blinked at the ceiling. She went round my teeth with the polisher that tastes of oranges. I’m sure when I was younger, this bit of life was about a thousand percent easier. It’s like I got to a certain age and my body has just started to creak like an old boat.

Nostalgia eh. Never does anyone any good. You’re supposed to be thankful for the mountain you’ve climbed, hopeful for the rest of the trip to the summit, and focused on the next bit of the path, wherever it takes you. I hobbled out of the dentists’ thinking about that, and how cool it would be to listen to a radio station playing ‘music from the future’. I’d definitely listen to that.