A BALANCE OF WEIGHT AND DUST

It’s really difficult when you have a poorly relative everyone seems to know. You get asked about them a lot.

“How’s your Dad?” (Always the same three words)

“He’s doing okay,” I say, “Struggling with the routine, but stronger and brighter all the time…”

“And your Mum?”

I tell them. Sometimes it’s edited: I don’t want specific details of my parents’ health ricocheting around the town bubble of churches, friends and well-wishers, though, don’t get me wrong: I am a fan of wishing well. Nevertheless, I edit.

“Well, give them my love,” they say, following the script. I do it too, by the way. It’s as automatic as saying ‘cheers mate’ to the bus driver as you hop off. I don’t mind it.

The only thing I do mind is being pulled through the wormhole by the conversation. That of course, is nobody’s fault either - it’s a quirk of life. I could have just had a lovely time of worship, been daydreaming about the great European capitals, or even wondering whether Sammy will be okay with me wiping the cheese knife with a bit of kitchen roll and sliding it surreptitiously back into the drawer. Boom. How’s your Dad? Oh yes. He had a stroke two months ago, and you ve just reminded me that that’s both awful, and, yes, something I had forgotten… until just now. Guilt and sadness all in one. Thanks. But also. Not your fault. I’m sorry.

The thing is, we all of us need to get on with our own lives. I’m not saying we should ignore it; just not let it control every waking moment. I am certain that that is what my parents want, even though they do need support. What’s happening is that life is shifting like a tectonic plate - a moving balance of weight and dust, and we’re still getting used to the motion.

Equilibrium will come; I know this. Balance is on the way. I just wish it was easier, quicker, simpler to find it while the world slides this way and that. It feels as though Sammy and I have had quite a long sequence of turbulence - she also now has a very poorly relative, and the dust is thrown into the air on her side of the family too.

I hope you won’t blame us for shutting the world out every now and then and dancing in the living room.

It might be all we’ve got to stay normal this side of the wormhole.