A MILLION POUNDS IN THE WOODS

I went for a walk today and, between the dripping green trees and mossy barks and branches, I found myself thinking about what I would do with a million pounds.

Normally, I’d be shutting that thought down. It tends to bring out questions and topics that I can’t afford to think about - do I pay off mortgages for my family? Which ones? How would I give it away anonymously? Would I tell people? Would I just take a few years off work, or throw a large amount of money into a high-interest savings account? Would my friendships change? Would I change? Would it overall, even be a good thing? It seems a bit daft to get stressed over a hypothetical situation; I might as well ask what I would do if I got stranded on Mars.

I’d been researching quizzes and got into a YouTube loop of people answering the final question on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. A young Judith Keppell calmly picked Henry II as the husband of Eleanor of Aquitaine. An even younger-looking Pat Gibson was unbelievably confident about the three races in the American Triple Crown. It was nice to watch, but as the ticker tape fell and the audience whooped and hollered, I did wonder whether Pat and Judith would know what to do with all that money.

Charles Ingram did. In his video, his wife is brought to the floor in a flurry of excitement, and she looks just about ready to throttle him. For a few moments, the major was the most sheepish millionaire ever to celebrate - and of course, it really was only a few moments. They had been cheating, and I suspect both of them knew that they had already not gotten away with it.

I knew some of the answers - not all. I’m rolling in at 80% on multiple choice questions at the moment, and that show particularly, is a huge lottery. I doubt I’d do great. My current Mastermind scores are 65% (not multiple choice of course) but that would only be enough to come second on most shows. And of course, there isn’t a million pounds at the end of the road there - just a glass bowl. Deliberately, I haven’t started cycling through back episodes of Brain of Britain yet (the show I am actually on) but my guess is I’ll be about the same - 60% perhaps. 70 if I’m lucky.

Again though. No big payout for the BoB - just train tickets there and back. It is one of the first things people ask me. Alas, not.

So, it’s probably not worth thinking about that million pounds in the woods, where the grey sky rolls and the green leaves whisper. As with everything inside and outside of all the quizzing, I’m just going to have to do the best I can with what I’ve got.