Saturday, 20 July 2024

I AM LEGEND

Hey tall people I know. You know that thing you always used to laugh at when I couldn’t reach the top shelf, or when you patted my head for a joke? Well the other day, in Sainsbury’s, a lady looked at me nervously, said the words “Excuse me” and then asked me to get a duck and hoisin sandwich off the topmost food shelf.


“That’s a first,” I beamed.


“It’s just that you are slightly taller than me,” said she.


So there. It happened. It actually happened that I was called upon in an hour of need, to use my incredible height for the world, and to help a damsel in distress, or, at least, in need of some tasty lunch.


Admittedly, the sandwich was right at the back and I almost had to clamber up to reach it. And yes, it meant sort of flipping it with my finger tips, but also yes - I did it.


“Thank you,” she said, “You’re a legend.”


See? Legend. See, tall people? That means tales will be told about me; passed down the generations, turned into songs and epic poetry. The lunch retriever, the giant of sainsbury’s, the reacher of sandwiches. To be honest I was only disappointed she didn’t take my name and call the papers.


Anyway, that rarity was a wonder. I felt ten feet tall.

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