CAR ALARMS

There was a car alarm going off at Sainsbury’s today. It was a high G I reckon, on the beat, around 140 beats per minute.

They’re always regular aren’t they those noises? I think if it were up to me I’d have designed it with a rhythm so you could tell it was your car more easily. Where’s your car? It’s over there playing the bossa nova.

Then we watched a Nissan back into a car parking space. The reversing alert sounded like a slipper hitting a wind chime. It’s quite a weird sound actually, clearly programmed to be relaxing like a sort of new age yoga tape. Reversing into a space at Sainsbury’s is of course, anything but relaxing. Even if you get it perfectly right you still have to contort your body to get out, without scratching the next car over.

I still think a little off-beat rhythm would liven it up. Instead of beep, beep, beep, beep, you could have beep, beep, bippidy beep. Beep bippidy beep beep or even bip beep, beep-bippidy beep.

I’m not suggesting morse code by the way. Neither do I for one minute think a melody line would help either. There may have been a revolution in doorbell chimes but nobody needs to hear La Cucuracha on repeat in the Sainsbury’s car park. No, rhythm only for car alarms.

Do you ever wonder why I’m not in charge of things?