ONE TRAIN TO GO

Couple of hours to go. Pfft. Shortly after I wrote that, the train slowed down outside Newcastle and an announcement bing-bonged into the carriage to say that the train ahead had ‘encountered’ an ‘obstruction on the line’. Could only really have been one thing really couldn’t it?

Next thing we know, the train rumbles back to Newcastle where we’re instructed to wait at the front of the station for a ‘rail replacement bus’.

I’ve always thought those things out to be called ‘train replacement buses’. Today, they could have been called anything you like though, as after an hour’s wait, two of them turned up with the ambitious plan of taking 300 people to Edinburgh. I was in the queue for the promised third invisible coach when an announcement went up that the line was now open and that we should all go back inside Newcastle station and get on the next available train from Platform 2.

What followed was what I imagine Glastonbury’s like when Beyoncé turns up unexpectedly. Either that or a rumour spreads of a usable toilet. The stampede for Platform 2 began.

Now by this time of course, two more trains behind ours had had to terminate at Newcastle as well, so the 300 people had ballooned to a crush of probably 800 people, running with cases for the train.

I decided to wait for the next one. People were hanging into the train, cramming themselves in. The guards had to call it a day in the end and got the remainder to stand back behind the yellow line.

Where is my top hat and copy of Bradshaw? How is Mr Gladstone getting on, and what will become of the Irish question?

The next train was slightly better. I managed to get onto it but it did mean standing up for the next two and a half hours. I’ve arrived at Edinburgh Waverley now and I’m taking a break with a cup of the old earl grey tea. It’s very nice to sit down. Pretty much everything since arriving at Newcastle four hours ago has been standing up.

One more train then to my destination. Then one short taxi. This has been horrendous, but I have done my best to remain as thankful and as positive as possible - that stuff really matters.

Postscript. I just spilled hot earl grey tea down my t-shirt. Oh the Victorian inventions are really testing me today, it seems. Thankfulness eh. It’s hard work sometimes.