THEME HOSPITAL

I’m in the hospital, thinking about how I would design its layout. Not my job, I know. More complicated and expensive than I could imagine, I know. Nevertheless, the hospital, it occurs to me, is a windowless maze of blue and beige.

I’m notoriously poor at finding my bearings. I’ve always known it; I think it’s something to do with light. If I emerge from a door, I can generally turn towards or away from the light, depending on what my subconscious worked out when I went in. But if both directions are lit the same way? No idea which way. My brain won’t have clocked the difference, so I’m left with pure 50/50 guesswork.

So. What would I do for my hospital? If no expense were too much, I think I’d colour code it. Maybe the floor, maybe the fittings. Red for A&E, green for outpatients, maybe blue for oncology?

I’m aware, I know next to nothing about the way hospitals work, so if you do, my apologies for trivialising your field. It could be that colour-coding would be way too confusing and disorientating. After all, I have more than a sneaking suspicion that these corridors are blue and beige for a very good reason, and not green and purple.

I think I might use gradations of colour too, depending on how far away from the entrance you are. Or maybe number markers. There’s a lot of walking required, so how about minute markers showing how far away you are from different places?

I definitely think windows help. Perhaps significant trees or sculptures could help people find their bearings too.

As I sit here, waiting at the hospital pharmacy, I can’t help thinking that actually, they have done a pretty good job. There are signs with arrows, and there are maps posted in the corridors. It probably is about as good as it could be. I am pontificating again - prattling on about something that probably can’t be fixed, and also, is not at all anything to do with me. Sigh.

The problem is me. I’m directionally unintelligent and I need better awareness. By the way, you should see Sammy at this; she’s like a hyper-aware grandmaster at navigation - I am continually impressed, though she of course, thinks it’s quite ordinary. She isn’t with me today, which is why, I’m trying extra hard to find my way back to the main entrance. Or at least, I will be, once the pharmacy releases my medications. Can I be fixed, I find myself wondering? Is this something hardwired into my brain? Ironic to ask, given where I am.