ACCELERATION SMILE

I feel like there might be a couple of decisions ahead which could be really tough.

I suppose that could be true of any of us, and all of the time. After all, life seems like a web of difficult decisions. Yet what I’m feeling is a bit like an acceleration towards a fork in the road.

Paul took me out in his new car tonight. The acceleration on that thing was something else, like a burst of uncontrollable forces that swung me round familiar corners at unprocessable speeds. Trees, brake lights, houses, hedges, concrete, road lamps, all span past way more quickly than I felt I would ever see them again.

I had a huge roller-coaster smile on my face.

“It’s so much fun!” he said. I agreed but my body was shaking.

And in some metaphoric way, I feel like life is accelerating me towards some decisions. I wonder where those hurtling split-second moments will take me.

One decision will certainly have me jumping off the fence. Remaining neutral seemed like a good idea until I realised that you can’t sustain a not-yes without it looking like a no, anymore than you can aim for a not-no and accidentally hit a yes. I have to decide, and unfortunately I think the pain of that might be unavoidable.

Another decision could be between a route that looks right but could be a distraction, and another route that looks like a massive distraction but could really be right. While I know that God makes brilliance shine on either path, I also know that regret lurks down either. Or both. In which case, what does it matter?

Acceleration of course, is an increase in speed, which is itself a change of distance over time. To accelerate, the distance you cover must get longer, or the time it takes gets shorter, or both.

“That certainly is something,” said Paul. “Whatever we decide, it’s true that life is short, and we should go for it.”

 I was still trembling with adrenaline when I got out of the car, yet that same acceleration-smile still beamed across my face. He’s not wrong, I’d wager. He is not wrong.