We tried to watch Home Alone today. I don’t think I’ve seen it since about 1992 - at least, not in full, and certainly not the beginning. I get that it’s a product of the 80s. I understand that it’s a Christmas classic, and I think I even understand that the film is trying to set up how unpleasant Kevin’s family is to him, just to boost the reconciliation at the end. But honestly? There’s not a single likeable person in the movie.
The mum is the most complicated character. We’re shown early on that she’s a heartless parent, neglectful to the extreme, and unbelievably harsh towards her son, whom she banishes to the attic for ‘being the only one to make trouble’ while also wilfully ignoring the troublesome behaviour of every other person racing around the house the night before they all fly to Paris. And yet, halfway over the Atlantic, she develops a sudden but illogical intuition that she’s left Kevin behind - which is weirdly a massive problem, despite having treated him as essentially a household pest for the last twelve hours. So, does the movie want us to believe she’s a good parent? Or an awful one? Or is this a kind of handbrake-turn of character development?
Meanwhile, Kevin McAllister is a nightmare. I know we're supposed to give him permission to be a kooky kid with ingenious imagination - and his nods and winks to the camera add to the Culkin sweetness, but the boy is troublesome, rebellious, and (in the first half an hour) stupendously rude. The idea of course is that we're intended to feel this little boy has been hard-done by the likes of the monstrous Uncle Frank and the hectoring Buzz, but really, Kevin himself is a volatile boy whose penchant for naughtiness is of course, focused by the plot into a kind of mini deathtrap designer. Happy Christmas.
We didn’t even get to the fun stuff. I know; countless medics have analysed the cartoon injuries suffered by Harry and Marv, and have concluded online that these bungling burglars (the wet bandits) really ought to have died outright, or at least been seriously hospitalised, thanks to Kevin’s booby traps, and quite early on in the ever more ridiculous plot.
“It’s not making me feel… Christmassy…” said Sammy, carefully.
“Me neither,” said I.
And that’s interesting isn’t it, because for a lot of people this violent film about a spoilt kid building Takeshi’s Castle and nearly killing two grown men in it is ultimate Christmas. Maybe we should have kept watching. But looking at the film from this side of the 21st Century, it does seem mean-spirited, and really kind of horrible. Like a lot of Christmas movies, Home Alone's popularity with adults is now driven almost entirely by nostalgia.
“I think I prefer Home Alone 2,” Sammy continued, “Isn't that the one in New York?”
Yeah. And it’s got a famous cameo in it, who nowadays (no doubt) would attribute the success of the movie to the 5 inglorious seconds in which he appears. And you know, I think Sammy’s right - I think Home Alone 2 really is a bit more Christmassy and a bit more feel-good, despite the flickering appearance of someone who probably struggles to understand either of those two adjectives.
Sigh. We didn’t put it on. We switched to 101 Dalmatians. Far more believable.
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