Well, so much for Radio Silence then. I ended it today, though I'm still not sure I've reached any brilliant decisions. My mind does feel a little clearer though. I walked home, resolutely determined not to take any nonsense from people who think I'm a soft touch, and absolutely focused on finding an answer to Nick's question about what it is that I want to do.
I wish my nose was a little clearer. This is the time when my particular strain of hay fever is at its allergenic worst. I survived unscathed through the end of April and all of May. Just when I was thinking the spoonfuls of honey and countless pots of matcha tea might have paid off, along came 'flaming June' with its sneezy wheezy pollen. I should have known. It's this time every year.
My throat is on fire, my head's spinning and my eyes are watery and scratchy. About once every twenty minutes, my nose becomes totally blocked and I find myself panting like a dehydrated dog - it's not a pleasant sight.
Weirdly, I'm fine when I'm asleep. This morning as my eyes popped open and I accidentally pushed my phone off the bed trying to switch it off, I was breathing normally and I could actually see. By the time I'd scrabbled down the side, retrieved the bleeping thing with the tips of my fingers and swiped it off, I was twitching and streaming and greeting the new world with a volley of head-shaking sneezes that must have woken the neighbours.
The bathroom mirror told a story too. Hair wild and greying, sticking up on one side as though I'd spent the night plugged into the mains. My face was red and sore, lit by a glowing beacon where my nose had been the night before, and attractively streaked with the tracks of tears and, yes, inevitable snot. I looked like Dr Frankenstein's first attempt. "What a catch," I said to my reflection, winking.
Another odd thing about it is that it seems to be much worse indoors. Many times now, I've blamed the air conditioning for sucking in grass seeds and blowing them all at my desk. Today however, the symptoms were worse during the period of time the air conditioning was broken. Something else must be going on. For an unpleasant hour or two this afternoon, I sat there sweltering, melting and exploding into rolls of tissue and toilet paper. By the time the air-con kicked in and I went home, I was much less affected.
Thankfully, this horrid season doesn't last long. I'll be alright in a few weeks - able to sing properly, speak without sounding like I'm fed up all the time, and free to enjoy the sunshine like normal people.
Not looking like I've been beaten up by flowers will also be a massive bonus.
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