RADIO SILENCE

As I mentioned on Twitter a couple of days ago, I'm switching off for a while. I've done this before, at a time when I didn't like myself very much and couldn't face people - especially through the happyfurious world of social media.

I was discussing this tendency the other day in Q and Sarah's garden. And by discussing, I of course mean, ranting passionately about why I gave up facebook six months ago.

"I just got fed up of not having anything to find out first hand," I said in the gathering twilight, "And then there's the terrible sidebar of shame, constantly asking me if I'm looking for single girls in my area..."

"Really?" asked Sarah, incredulously.

"Yes," I said, "Really. And there are conversations, arguments, discussions, pictures - all kinds of things I just don't want to see but somehow pop unsolicited into my newsfeed, plus it eats time, turns us into gossips, redefines our understanding of friends, listens in on our conversations and sells our personal data."

Had there been a pulpit (it would have been a weird garden feature, granted) I would probably have been thumping it like an old-school preacher.

Orange sparks flew up from the chiminea and disappeared into the darkness, lost in the gentle folds of wood-smoke. I realised that my friends were looking at me intently, but I could no longer make out their faces. I'm still not wholly certain I didn't upset them.

That's the happyfurious world of facebook for you - you can never be sure. That aside though, I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was the last time I engaged in Radio Silence. This feels very different, and is for different reasons.

Radio Silence is a command given by the military to cease all transmissions for safety or security. I just looked it up. Apparently, a control station (zero) gives the order:

"Hello all stations, this is 0. Impose radio silence. Over."

I just need a little time to clear my fuzzy thinking - and this feels like an important moment, somehow, to do just that. For the last three weeks, I've been feeling really weird, different perhaps, about a whole load of things. I need to know whether this is a phase or a sea-change, but there's too much white noise out there - the chatter of everybody else trying to sort out their own thoughts. In spiritual lingo, I need to hear the whisper of heaven and listen to the response of my heart. I need the silence.

Yesterday, my niece was doing percentages homework. I was sitting next to her while she struggled with 35% of 80. I was mentally working out 70% so that I could halve it; she was working out 10% (out loud) so that she could multiply it by three and then add 5% on the top. Both of us would have got there quicker I think, without the signal interference of each other.

That's how I feel most of the time. How long will I be out for? A few days at least, possibly longer. I just need a little mountain air, some freedom and some quiet time to pray and to process. I mentioned that I'm an INFP, didnt' I? :)

So, Radio Silence it is. All stations.