Hey there. Do you like to hear people whinging about curtains? Would you like to know how expensive they are, or simply experience the sheer bafflement of someone trying to get to grips with the astronomical cost of drapery?
Well, have I got an opportunity for you!
Yes folks, for one time only, you get the chance to hear me, wide-eyed with astonishment, question why decent material is £25 per metre and yet mysteriously not encrusted with jewels or precious stones. Listen to my confused, sesquipedalian rants as I use words like 'preposterous' and 'outrage' to describe the extortionate trading of material and how it corresponds to my suddenly enormous windows. Gaze with wonder, as I go on and on about how unbelievable it is and how the world exploits basic human needs like privacy and the ability to go to sleep in the dark for a quick buck.
You'll be shocked as you realise my extraordinary lack of perspective on the matter, maybe even bamboozled by my inability to see beyond the end of my own nose to the cold world that lies beyond my windows.
Watch with wonder as I completely forget that millions of people live and die hungry outside, every day while those suited slimeballs run velvetine fabric through industrial sewing machines, ready to sell to rich westerners who will thoughtlessly draw them every single day, just to hide the darkness and the danger of the real world on the other side of the glass.
This limited opportunity will only be available for a short time, so if you'd like to hear someone shortsightedly whinge with pointless perspicacity, I'm available for a spectacularly small fee... unlike the nearest pair of curtains.
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