THINGS IN SPACE

"You're looking like you've got a bit more bounce..." said my Manager, observing the difference between me now and me before Christmas.

I'm not convinced today. My skin's flaky again and I slept badly.

It ought to be simple: lie down, close your eyes, wake up. I seem to find all of those things tricky.

I've tried breathing in, slowing my pulse, trying to be as still as possible. I get so uncomfortable though, I have to turn over. Then I'm too hot. Or too cold, or too scratchy or something.

Closing eyes is easier, but keeping them shut is tough. It's almost as though there's a switch that turns on my brain when I blink my eyelids. A million thoughts and worries and fears circle around the dark and my eyes flick open. Then I try to ignore all those thoughts by thinking about a maths puzzle, or naming things in space that begin with each letter of the alphabet.

Asteroid, Binary stars, Cephoid Variables, Dark Matter... Earth...

I wake up and it's still dark. My watch says it's only 2am and I groan and start the whole process again.

I think I need to go back to the doctor. He'll probably reset the medication and give me something that will turn me back into a zombie. So that'll be fun.

A bit more bounce then. I raised a crusty eyebrow. I think I'm just more determined this year, to fight this off and not let it affect the rest of my life. I hope I can make it.

I can't think of anything beginning with F.