GYM MUSIC PART 1: FLICKY FLICKY

They play a constant stream of high-octane 140bpm pumping tunes at the gym.

And by 'pumping' I mean consistently and rhythmically forcing a beat into your subconscious (to improve your workout I suppose), rather than 'good' - though even I have to admit that the two are not mutually exclusive.

Occasionally the nonsense of it makes me laugh. Particularly the lyrics. I first noticed it with the classic:

"Everybody wants money, money, to live in a location sunny, sunny."

(Riton)

Which is profoundly true, even though the song features a girl (Kah Loh) saying she also needs money to make herself look 'flicky, flicky'. I have no idea what that means.

Catchy though.

Then there's...

"I can swear, I can joke
I say what's on my mind
If I drink, if I smoke
I keep up with the guys
And you see me holding up my middle finger to the world
**** your ribbons and your pearls
'Cause I'm not just a pretty girl"

(Maggie Lindemann)

... which is probably the opposite of 'flicky, flicky' even though her hand gestures might be indicating otherwise. I don't know how happy Maggie is in herself, but I've got my suspicions. Oh by the way, the gym also bleeps out the asterisks.

Normally I let it pass me by, all that. I'm not there to analyse lyrics, meaningless or otherwise.

But this morning I heard a new one that makes even less sense than Kah Loh, Mister Easi or punky old Mags. Over and over and over...

"Where you is is where it's at and you can't beat that with a baseball bat.

Where you is is where it's at and you can't beat that with a bat."

(Fat Boy Slim)

What are you doing, Norman? You used to be better than this! Remember 'Praise You'? That was great in the 90s! What about 'Right Here, Right Now'? Classic. What does this new nonsense mean?

"Where you is." Well that's grammatically cute isn't it? Still wrong though. "Where you is is where it's at." Where what's at? And why do you want to beat that... with sports equipment? It makes no sense! You can't take a physical approach when you've already defined a metaphysical concept as your context! That's like saying "You're so funny, I could put up a shelf" or "Love is all around us, so I'm going to pin it to the village noticeboard."

I'll be honest though, the gym would be a lot harder without this barrage of silliness, even if most people wear headphones.

And I appreciate anything that helps me get a bit more 'flicky, flicky' I suppose.