HOW TO HOLD A SOUP SPOON

I’ve just been studying the way I hold a soup spoon.

I cantilever it on the second finger of my right hand and push down on the end of the handle with my thumb.

My index finger seems to be acting as a kind of counterweight while the thumb controls the spoon from the end of the see-saw.

When did I learn to do this? I don’t remember it. Was there ever a time when I gripped it like a handlebar and shovelled soup into my mouth, like people do in the movies? Did I ever pinch the end of the spoon between thumb and forefinger and use the wrist for rotation? I hope not. I just tried that and it looked really weird.

The soup is a treat to celebrate the end of my Christmas Shopping Escapade 2017! Three days to go; I am done. This morning I squeezed round the shops, looking for animal fact books, biscuits, games, and surprise things for the Intrepids. I inevitably found myself in Whittards, looking at fancy teas, before escaping and searching for soup.

I had to stop and breathe at one point. I was having an anxiety attack in the middle of town.

Don’t panic - think of it like an asthma attack, but just affecting a different bit of the body. It’s no surprise really; tiredness has left me low and sad, and while I struggle to find the balance between being real and being strong, sometimes being anxiatic (I made that word up) just takes over and you’ve got no choice other than stopping.

I pushed it away. It pushed me to the edge of tears. I pushed it back. It swept through me like an electric shock, a throbbing wave of static sadness and fear, in every tightening muscle. I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes, whispered a prayer and kept walking, feeling weak under the weight of my coat, the bags, the heat and the noise.

Prayer’s good though. A few steps later and I was slumping down in front of a piano, right in the middle of a shopping centre, my fingers finding themselves a chord and my heart settling on a song. I didn’t care who was listening. Well, apart from One Person.

I suspect I evolved the soup-spoon-holding technique. It probably emerged as the most natural way to solve the problem, with a little help and instruction along the way. Perhaps by trial and error, perhaps with time, and many, many bowls of soup, I just subconsciously figured it out. It was never written in the sky for me.

I think it’s okay to keep going, whatever it is you’re trying to solve. I also think it’s okay for that solution to be a bit of a mix - partly you finding the best fit, partly with help, and partly by being given time and space to give it a go.

I sat down at that piano, realising that I do that in exactly the same way.