FANCY NEW HOSEPIPE

My Mum texted me today to ask if I want to pop round for a cuppa as my Dad wants to 'show off his fancy new hosepipe'.

How 'fancy' can it be, I wonder? Perhaps it's digital, responsive to the weather app or something. Maybe it's voice-activated - a smart-hose. Other than that, the only thing I can imagine is that it's so powerful, it can water next door's plants, and also drench the flowers at next-door-but-one. Maybe my Dad picked it up at the Fire Station Jumble Sale.

That of course, is not the reason my Mum invited me round; I think they're just wanting to see me before they go off on their next trip - this time, to North Wales.

It seems weird that my Dad's got a new hosepipe in the middle of a drought. Just exactly what is he going to show me? How he can water the plants from an iPhone? How to get round the inevitable hosepipe ban?

Wait a mo though. They're going away anway! He's not going to have much chance to use his fancy new hosepipe in the next week, unless he can operate it from Llandudno! The mystery deepens. How will they water the plants in a drought, when they're in Wales, and there's a hosepipe ban? They'll have to get one of the neighbours to do it, I suppose - pop round with a watering can and a pair of wellies. Or maybe one of my sisters? Ha! Shame - they'll have to drive all the way over! Hilarious.

Well, I guess I'll ask them later, while he's demonstrating how to flood the garden.