THE ORDER OF QUANTICLES

I’m really conscious that I used the word ‘twimptieth’ the other day, without ever really explaining what I think twimpty is. I made it up, so it could be anything, as is often the way with these ‘non-numeric vague quantifiers’.

Boringly, some seem to be calling them ‘fictitious numbers’ but I think they’re much more than that. They are any placeholder name for a particular amount, and I suppose they could be pretty much anything you like.

Personally I think ‘twimpty’ = ‘umpteen’ + ‘several’, but by definition, these NNVQs, these ‘fictitious numbers’... are not quite that calculable or precise.

They need a better name. I think I might call them ‘quanticles’. Quanticles: the names we give to amounts which are sort of vague and we don’t want to be specific. I like it. Here’s my Order of Quanticles...

One 

Two

A few
Several

A handful

Many

Umpteen

Twimpty

Dozens

Oodles

Buckets

Shedloads

Gazillions

I’d love to explain why I think a ‘handful’ is bigger than ‘several’ or how many ‘buckets’ fit into a ‘shedload’ but these conversations are best argued out in person, over a cool drink in a comfortable establishment*. As I’m sure you’ve already worked out, some are context-size-based quanticles (a handful of sand grains is greater than a handful of Skittles for example, though less tasty). So I think my order might just normalise those CSBQs and pretend that it refers to items of the same size - a bucket of Skittles is more Skittles than a handful, but fewer than a shedload, or a gazillion Skittles.

So, I hope that clears up the confusion over the ‘twimptieth’ hot night in a row. Though it hasn’t done anything at all about the temperature or its continued effect on my mushy brain. Twimpty plus one.

Maybe I’ll just close my eyes and try to work out exactly how many Skittles would probably fit into a garden shed, while I fall asleep.

It’s about time I had sweet dreams after all.

*Not you, Popworld.