More Casterbridge Tension today. I think it's starting to affect my self-confidence.
It turns out that one of the downsides to making yourself invisible, is that nobody can see you.
Who'd have thought it?
That's the Casterbridge Tension alright - the feeling that you're no longer needed, and possibly that anything you have to offer is now irrelevant. It's like being old in a roomful of young people.
But, just like it's true in that room, I think irrelevance might be a bit of an illusion in this. In fact, it could even be (whisper it) a flat-out lie.
I think it might be all a matter of timing and context, and being patient enough to find the right moment and the right fit. After all, I suspect that the old person in a young room is just one biscuit and one cup of tea away from a story that changes the lives of every person within earshot! The irrelevance isn't real.
And for me, wondering what I've got to bring that's relevant to situations that don't seem to need me - it's worth remembering that I'm not necessarily made irrelevant by the circumstance, but that I can make the circumstance irrelevant by bringing me into it... at the right time and in the best way.
So, resolving the Casterbridge Tension - it's all about patience and a bit of wisdom about where and how you fit. And it's sort of about listening too - understanding the shape of the hole before picking the piece of jigsaw-puzzle you need from your box of experience.
My lack of self-confidence is temporary, I think. I'll be back, and I'll be great if I learn to listen and flow.
Though I have to say, if I'm in a roomful of young people and I go on about tea, biscuits, and jigsaw puzzles, you might want to just remind me.
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