THE WORLD INSIDE MY HEAD

I sometimes wonder whether I’ve been living in the same world in my head as everybody else.

Every now and then, there’s a moment that brings the world into sharp focus, and I look at it and think: “I had no idea you thought that way!” or “I must have said that because I’m ... “ and “How have I not seen that before?”

Then suddenly the universe accelerates and rushes towards me as the world inside my head catches up with reality.

“So all along, you’ve been...”

“Wait, but I thought... I mean I’ve always thought...”

I’m not just talking about discovering that my colleague Clive calls a button a tab, or that none of us have been following the Microsoft Style Guide to refer to how you select and clear a check box! Those things are trivial really. (Though you wouldn’t have thought so, this week!) I mean larger ways of thinking, of writing, of behaving.

Sometimes the internal world is abruptly forced to change. The planet is round, not flat. The Earth is not in the middle of the Universe. Slavery is unacceptable. You don’t have to fight with wars to prove a point. Mars bars are definitely getting smaller. That changes everything. And everything changes.

My theory is that these are the moments we grow up the fastest - especially when we correct a thing about ourselves. In a single glint of revelation, the mirror shows us the truth. We’re instantly forced with the choice of changing or sticking, of stubbornly clinging to the old world, or embracing the new.

I’m undecided about whether I actually like those moments. I constructed the world inside my head! I’m the emperor of it. I never expected it to start crumbling. But maybe it can be different, now the rubble is out of the way. Maybe I can change.

“Oh my God, I’m ... but I’ve been... and why didn’t you tell me?”

Great prayer. The world inside your head has found the fresh air of reality, Matt, and it’s time to make a change based on what you know. But like all prayers, that one should be followed by some deep, humble listening, and then a practical action.

That’s what I’m going to do, next time the worlds collide. Because I want to be better at this.