"In retrospect," said my brain, pulsing furiously inside my head, "Would you say you regret sticking a propelling pencil in your phone's charging port to clear away the fluff?"
It knew the answer. I of course regret that - because now, it's arguably even more difficult to charge my phone, presumably because I've accidentally covered the fluff-covered pins in fresh carbon from the end of the pencil. In fact, I can't find a way to charge it at all now, without firmly pushing the charger right into the port at just exactly the right angle.
And that, by the way, is how I discovered that it takes around 53 seconds for an iPhone 7 to increase its battery life by 1% while plugged in. Push as hard as you can with your thumbnail for just under a minute and you end up with a single percentage point increase in charge.
I can't live like this all the time! A full charge would take an hour and twenty eight minutes - and that's an hour and twenty eight minutes of painful pushing with the thumb. The worst thing is when you push the charger and it slips right out. That is frustrating. And I can't really live one-handed.
Nope. There's only one solution: another happy trip to the geniuses in the Apple store - which due to my diary, I won't be able to do any time soon. Certainly not before my 8% runs out anyway.
So, if you text me and hear nothing back, or call me and hear the answerphone, or whatsapp me and wonder why there's only one grey tick, you'll know that my phone chugged through its remaining 8%, my thumb hurts, and I'm incommunicado for a while. It is amazing, how much of our lives is channelled through these pocket organisers. In theory, the last thing they ought to be doing is gathering dust.
"Maybe a little screen-free time'll do you good," says my brain. Yeah thanks a lot brain.
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