VINO SBAGLIATO

I'm not sure why I'm so interested by the news at the moment, but there's a story today about some diners in a restaurant who were accidentally given a very expensive bottle of wine.

The bottle they'd actually ordered was worth £260, which, you have to admit, seems like cheap old plonk by comparison.

Here's the thing: I just don't know that I'd be able to tell the difference. I've never drunk super-expensive wine, and to me, a glass of vino that costs £40 seems opulent - who knows what I'm supposed to make then, of a glass of wine that would cost £750!

I mean can you really tell? And what are you supposed to say? Mmm... you can really taste the... bouquet of... I'm getting... Oh yes it's reminiscent of... what?

Wine is what it's reminiscent of. Presumably smooth, velvety, softly-scented wine that's £6 per millilitre.

It's as though Einstein got twice as clever. Would anyone have really noticed?

Anyway, as you can see, it was nice of Hawksmoor not to flip out at the waiter. That person is probably mortified enough already. And actually, it's probably done them all a favour - it's free publicity after all, isn't it?

I'm (obviously) no connoisseur. I like a red that's smooth and flavoursome, but beyond that, I'm really not cultured enough to care. In a world where not enough people have access to drinking water, it seems unthinkable that some people will pay so much money for a few raindrops that have travelled through a certain set of grapes in a particular summer.

Also! Don't they (famously) say that once you've tasted good wine you can never go back? In which case, all that those lucky dinner-guests have got is a taste for the high life that might as well be insatiable.

You know what? I think I'll stick to the cheap stuff, thank you.