“Help us out mate,” he said, gesturing to me from the cab.
I gulped. His lorry was trying to get through a tight gap between two bollards. It would be millimetre-tight.
Don’t you have to be a grown-up to guide an HGV driver through a width restriction? I mean, like a proper adult? Did he really mean me?
But of course. I’m 41 on the outside, even if I actually can’t believe it. I stood in the road and tried to direct him which way to turn the wheel with hand signals. It suddenly occurred to me how similar to conducting it is. Though in the high street, I was making it up, which is the equivalent of just waving your arms about at an orchestra and hoping for the best.
It didn’t take him long to work it out. There was no way through and he needed to reverse. My next job was to walk down the road and inform the drivers backed up behind him. They expressed varying degrees of thanks.
Maybe I’ll get a pipe and a flat cap. That’s the kind of thing required now that I’m a person who guides HGVs into tight spaces, isn’t it? Though of course, I don’t smoke so it would have to be one of those ones that blows bubbles. Oh and also, I didn’t actually pass the test anyway did I? He had to give up on my orchestration and reverse down the road.
I don’t know whether to be pleased about all that... or not.
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