I seem to be having the same conversation with people on a loop. It could start with either of us, but let's for the sake of it, imagine the other person kicks it off, just after they've rung me, or face-timed, or zoomed, or whatever.
"Hey, how are you doing?"
I gaze out of the window at the houses opposite. The sky is blue - bright blue if it's morning, azure with golden tones if afternoon. The street is still, but packed with cars, just as it was yesterday, and the day before.
"Ah not too bad," I sigh. It occurs to me how very British it is to respond to a question about what is, with an answer that is what isn't: 'can't complain', we say, 'not bad', 'just about getting there', 'muddling through' - classic understatement. But I am genuinely at least, 'not too bad' - implying of course, that I'm good - but only just.
All of that flashes through my mind in less than a second before I flick through the subconscious politeness-box and pull out the next card:
"How about you?"
This is where the conversation twists a little, but not unpredictably, at least not for a loop. This is common:
"Pretty fed up actually."
Twist. Respond. Flex and...
"Aw yeah, me too."
"Still at least the weather's nice." Phew.
The weather is like a pack of conversational crayons. It's our convenient mindfulness go-to. We reach inside the packet (it's always the same selection) and take out the appropriate colour for filling in the next few minutes. At the moment, lockdown weather has been magnificent, so there's no need for the usual purple and grey for rainclouds and disappointment. We're into the thick blues and greens and yellows.
"Yeah, glorious! The wind's a bit nippy (chilly) though. But it's so nice to see the trees and hear the birds. And just you know, to get out of the house for a bit..."
"I know what you mean. I'm going a bit mad being stuck indoors all the time."
"Still, it's all for a good reason."
"Sure."
How can I shake up this repeatingly predictable conversation? I think I have this twice a day. And that's not even when I've stumbled into fantasy-background-land! And of course, everyone has to talk about that as well on the bigger calls.
I'm not sure there's any way out the loop, you know. I might just have to ride it. The other day in the 'virtual coffee break' someone had their background set to a picture of their own cars (yup, one of those guys). That led to talks of driveways and pavements, and then on into "I live opposite a vicar who lets me park on his drive so long as I bring him gin."
I listened intently. It's a whole other blog, but suffice to say the conversation died with one of those super-awkward moments - the gin-provider told us all that the vicar had tried to 'convert him' on the doorstep and invite him to mass. The online conversation ground to a silence while nobody could read the room and figure out what to say next without offending people.
That's why I'm not sure there's any real way out of the looped conversation - it's our little safety net of routine at the moment, and we know where we are with it, just about, in this brave new world. Interrupting it with non-sequiturs and random stuff, is a bit like pushing someone out of the hammock.
So maybe it's back to the crayons and the fed-upness and the talking about it but not talking about it. See? Loopy. Ah. It'll be alright. I'll just keep colouring in.
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