ROBOT DUCKS

"If it looks like a duck, if it walks like a duck, if it quacks like a duck..."

I get it. If a thing demonstrates all the necessary characteristics of another thing, it is one of those other things - whether those characteristics are appearance based, or more scientifically tested.*

Bit of a kicker though for all those people out there making robot ducks.

I don't know how I'd make a robot duck.

- throw a spanner at its head.

Very good. But if I were tasked with building an aquatic android, I think I'd definitely want it to resemble a real duck. The first part of the duck-test only specifies that a duck has to 'look like a duck' after all.

Secondly, I reckon it would be easier to make it swim than build it to walk. I'd probably fit it with some sort of propeller at the back. But if you did want to build a walking duck, I still don't see why that can't be done - that company made those terrifying robotic dogs a while ago - remember those? They definitely moved like dogs!

The third check box is easy to tick as well. Sample a real duck's quack, record it and play it through a tiny speaker hidden inside the robot duck's neck - time it to coincide with the beak opening, and boom-I mean quack.

There it is - one duck that passes the test but is not really a duck!

I guess the duck test is another extension of what's called Occam's Razor - the principle that 'the simplest explanation is probably the truth'. To be honest, there probably aren't that many robot ducks about, waddling along with the other biological ducks in the duckpond, so if you see one, it's more than likely to be a bona fide anatidae.

But here's another thought: who says my robotic duck is not a duck? I mean it is - it's just a different type of duck; a different species put together by a less competent creator. It can't replicate, nourish itself, excrete, or breathe - so it's not 'alive' like a God-constructed duck - but it is, to all intents and purpose, a duck. Isn't it?

Unless it shoots lasers or has extendible legs, I suppose. But I don't know why anyone would build one of those. Don't think about that - that would be terrifying.

By the way, when I looked up 'anatidae' three paragraphs ago, I found out that neither grebes (you know, the ones with the crested head) nor coots (black with a white stripe) are actually ducks. Which just goes to show something, doesn't it.




*Reminds me of the world's most infuriating quiz question: "What's the world's largest desert?" - not really a place for ducks whatever you think the answer might be.