FAIRGROUND ATTRACTION

I had to do mandatory training today, entitled 'Respectful Workplace'. I should point out that it was mandatory for everyone, not just me - I have not been harassing people.

It was very American. I don't want to say too much about that, but the trainer (a lawyer, I think) was really open in a way us Brits just would not be. She kicked off by saying she enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable, which, I'll be honest, doesn't sound like standard practice for workplace trainers. But she did, and then she certainly did.

Anyway, once she'd pointed out that English people have a different relationship with certain swearwords, and that Americans have a weird pride about their feelings for "Mac Dawnald's" ("Sometimes your arteries need a lube")... she went on to talk about why workplace relationships are essentially a terrible idea...

"So I'm going to smoosh all the hopeless romantics out there," she said, gleefully, "...because relationships fail at a remarkable rate. Think of all the people you have to date before you find 'the one' and then 'the one' doesn't have a greater than 70% chance of making it through your lifetime..."

Thanks a lot, lady.

But wait. Aren't lawyers supposed to be logical? If she truly believes this, then surely she doesn't believe in the concept of 'the one' at all... the way she paints it, it might as well be a fairground attraction, like some sort of coconut shy or a shooting range: sure, step right up, spend your money until you win a prize, and then when you're inevitably fed up of that cuddly toy, or it's fed up with you, back you go for another awful round. There's no 'the one' in that picture, is there? That's a tortuous game of trial and error.

It's not my field this, but regardless, I'd rather stay at home.

The only conclusion I could come to (while she went on about why the evident reasons why they 'poo poo' relationships between HR and finance) was that this poor lady once did believe in fate or divine providence, but for whatever painful reason, has now concluded that successful relationships are two unfortunate things for human beings: rare, and lucky - like hitting the star prize on the one-arm-bandit.

I don't believe that. I just don't. I think you have so much more choice than just alignment of the stars, and it's a choice about who you want to be, what kind of person you're becoming, and where you're going in your own world first. It's an adventure on which you can choose your companions, not through a dating lottery, but through being intentional about your own life and seeing who might go on a journey with you. It's so sad that a lot of solid relationships fail, I agree - but it doesn't have to be the depressing normal.

Call me Anti-Morpheus if you like, but I don't believe in 'the one' either - I think that's daft, at least unhelpful, from the way we're constrained to perceive time. But I do think you can turn each other into 'the one' with a lot of hard work and commitment to a common goal - if that's what you want to call it. There's a journey of friendship to go on together, I reckon, in a direction. But the myth of 'the one' only ever seems to lead to disappointment - and that I fear is what happened to the Respectful Workplace Trainer.

I concede I may be naive. It's not my field. All I know is that I honestly would rather stay home and work out how to be an awesome person, than hang around grotty fairgrounds.