CHRISTMAS TYPOS

We had a network outage today so I amused myself by thinking up some Christmas Typos. It started some time ago when I found a carol sheet with those immortal lyrics:

The stars in the bright sky, looked down where he lay
The little Lord Jesus, asleep on the hat.

I'm afraid I lost it, picturing the traditional nativity scene - misty-eyed Mary and Joseph, reverent kings on bended knee, awestruck shepherds... and baby Jesus curled up in an upturned sombrero.

I got through Angles from the Realms of Glory and God Test Ye Merry Gentlemen. But my colleague was giving me strange looks by the time I imagined Hank The Herald Angel Sings and Frosty the Now Man. I think one or two of the ones that popped into my head might actually have been a little too close to the mark for some people. All I'll say is that I'm very grateful that the son of the father was begotten, not cremated.

Then, taken with curiosity about Jungle B... I mean Jingle Bells... I looked up the lyrics. Do you know, I think the whole thing might be a bit of a sarcastic rant about one-horse open sleighs?....

A day or two ago
I thought I'd took a ride
And soon Miss Fannie Bright
Seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune was his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And we got upsot

Oh what fun? Sounds awful, especially for Miss Fannie Bright, who could easily have been kidnapped by whichever horse-driving maniac it was who wrote this - oh, Pierpont wasn't it? (I just remember from the top right hand corner of the music) - kidnapped and left in a snow drift. Well, Monsieur Pierpont, it's probably your fault for hiring an unlucky old horse.

The third verse seems to switch the narrative to a lady, I assume. Perhaps even the fabled Fannie Bright. She recounts:

A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell;
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

Yes, there's a name for people like you, Pierpont, thought Fannie to herself. "Jingle bells, jingle bells, yeah really? I'm walking home," she said, hitching up her skirts and climbing down the bank of snow. I might write a song about this, one day, thought Pierpont to himself, chuckling while Fannie hobbled off into the blizzard.

Network outages are not much fun. Nothing was working, especially us. When I'd finished with glock-watching shepherds and Little Monkey, I started making a spreadsheet of all the things I needed to do while my email was down. It's no secret that I don't like emails at all, but somehow not being able to see any of them was vaguely disempowering - as though someone has sealed your catflap despite the fact that you don't have a cat.

Eventually, when Outlook did come back on line and my inbox was a flurry of activity, I kind of wished it wasn't. Humming merrily to myself, I went back to my unfunny Christmas Typos to cheer myself up.

A rat of hope flickers in the dark...

I am so weird sometimes.