FRIDAY NIGHT AT THE FOX & HOUNDS

I went for a drink with Winners tonight. He talked about conspiracy theories; I talked about the difference between revolving and revolting. We both drank coke, much to the scornful looks of the pool sharks in the corner of The Fox & Hounds.

It's an interesting place, The Fox & Hounds. It sort of combines everything you'd expect from every other pub. At one end, it's a restaurant where classy middle-aged people deftly chink into their candle-lit meals and chat about house prices. At the other, where we were, the young pool sharks lounged across the comfy chairs in their tight t-shirts and tracksuit bottoms, passing the cue between them and periodically slipping outside for a fag. Boy bands warbled across the stereo, and over our heads a giant screen rolled the silent but distracting BBC News Channel. Pretty barmaids navigated the tables, their arms piled with glasses for the dishwasher.

I looked across at the bar and saw a grey-bearded man, studying the menu.

"Hey Winners," I said, whispering, "Do you think that guy looks like Rowan Williams?"

"What, Blackadder?" said Winners.

"No, you're thinking of Rowan Atkinson," I said. "No, you know Rowan Williams the old..."

"Genie in Aladdin?"

"...Archbishop of Canterbury."

"Oh. No, not really."

It would be a bit of a turn up, I noted, if it was the former Archbishop of Canterbury out for a Friday night drink at The Fox & Hounds. It would be even more of a turn-up, noted Winners, if it turned out to be Robin Williams. It's a fair point, that.

It was a really nice way to end the week. Winners always has something to talk about. As I took him home, he expounded some great advice about relationships while I tried to forget that I was desperate for the toilet. I should have used the loo at the pub, I thought to myself as we steamed up Sulham Hill. Twenty minutes later, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel and tapping my foot on the car mat, I was still listening to his top tips on romance, wondering how to bring up the fact that I was busting and whether it was too late to ask him if I could use their bathroom.

"So Matt," he said, "Should we pray about that, do you think?"

I smiled weakly.