READING FESTIVAL

So, the news is: my Dad's going to Reading Festival.

I can't quite get to the reason why, but it definitely seems to be really happening and not some bizarre practical joke the Intrepids are playing on me. I mean it could be that, but I don't think so: I overheard my Mum telling him not to stand too close to any of the 'loud bits'.

In recent times, Reading Festival has become a kind of post-GCSE rite of passage. You pick up your cavalcade of As and A*s and then you buy a pair of fancy wellies, throw on an oversized rucksack and bounce around in a field to the distorted riffs of every other indie band - at least that's the way it seems to an old codger like me.

When I was a kid, the festival was rough - the town centre would be full of gigantic punks with piercings and exploding hair. For the last few years, it's seemed a lot more saccharine, and dare I say it, a good deal more middle-class. I overheard one young person in the town centre complaining about not being able to find quails eggs in Sainsbury's.

Plus nowadays, I understand, it's become a bit of a tradition to just leave your tent behind. My Aunty, who runs a girl guiding unit, has some sort of special permission (along with a load of other people) to collect up brand new tents every year - they're just abandoned on site without so much as a guy rope unfurled or a shiny peg bashed into the browning grass.

I'll tell you what I did when I got my GCSE results: I went ten-pin bowling with my Scrabble crew. I had a Coke and a burger and then I walked home. What a square. It was better than blowing two hundred quid on an unenjoyable weekend in the mud though.

Actually, the more I think about it, I realise that my Dad would be a very useful person to have around at Reading Festival. He does seem to have an unnatural ability to talk to strangers, and young people appear to warm to his penchant for distributing facts and chatting at length about the weather. I'm sure he'll have a great (if slightly weird) time (should this turn out to be not a superbly executed and massive prank).

I doubt he'll come back with a Metallica t-shirt though.