DEATH BY POWERPOINT

I've been thinking about the training course I'm going on later this week. Yes, the one in London. Yes, the one I've not been looking forward to, and yes - the one I've been going on about for far too long. That one.

The course notes state that it's designed to 'avoid Death by PowerPoint'. That's reassuring, however, it does make me wonder in what other ways the course will try to kill me.

Now I always thought that PowerPoint was supposed to liven up an otherwise dull set of slides. After all, you can use text that flies in, nifty animations and slide transitions, funky images and multimedia files and all manner of gadgets to keep your audience interested. Oh you can overdo it too - I reckon that's how Michael Bay started when pitching the idea for the Transformers movies. Anyway...

I do agree that none of that matters if the thing you're talking about is as dry as old biscuits. Content is everything when it comes to making a presentation. Plus, there's a lot resting on the person with the clicker and the witty repartee. In the end, getting the message across is really all about entertainment. I think PowerPoint opens up a world of entertainment and possibility - whether or not it will throw your audience into a coma is almost entirely down to how you use it.

So, anyway, we're promised indemnity from death at the hands of Microsoft this Thursday and Friday. To which I say 'bravo!' but not without a certain level of trepidation.

Here's what's taking its place:

"The course incorporates the latest 'training from the back of the room' learning techniques"

Interactive innit? Teamwork, breakout, working with other people, group learning. My social skills will have to be set to maximum or I'll just blend in to the wall like I usually do until accidentally saying something outlandishly stupid... or worse, brilliant.

So, time to get some practice in, I thought as I walked to lunch today. It was raining.

It all comes down to self-confidence, something I have always lacked and which has come to shape my destiny. To acquire it, you have to pretend you've got it, and then you've got it.

Weirdly, this is also the antidote to Death by PowerPoint - you have to present as though you've got something you haven't, and nine times out of ten, you'll have it - that elusive little bit of bluffed self-confidence that carries you through.

There were two girls approaching me, one carrying a newspaper above her head to protect herself from the rain as she walked back to work. Here we go. I looked right at her and smiled as if to say 'it's raining, I came out without an umbrella as well, but oh well!'...

She looked at me like a frightened rabbit and then hurried by.

I shook my head and laughed to myself, wearily. I've got something, I thought to myself.

Oh well. Bring on the PowerPoint slides.

Ugh.