I just took an expense claim form up to Finance. You know, when those guys aren't playing table football, they're a lot less animated. You could have heard a pin drop, bounce, and then roll across the carpet.
I crept in, feeling like Oliver Twist, clutching a sheet of A4 paper and a paperclipped receipt.
"Um who do I talk to about expenses?" I stammered. A pair of eyes studied me quietly over the top of some gold-rimmed spectacles. I glanced across at the thermostat next to the wall, just to check it hadn't suddenly flipped into minus numbers.
I think that whole Parliament scandal thing a couple of years ago could have been avoided if MPs had had a finance department like ours. That duck-house chap would have been quaking in his boots had he had to submit the receipt in person.
That's another thing - the form is complicated. It's like one of those puzzles where you just can't figure out where to start, or what goes where. Opening the file is enough to give you palpitations. It's almost as if they want to make it as difficult as possible...
I did it though. I got it approved and submitted and made my way back to the warmth of my desk unwithered. It was just as well actually - after all, I'd bought £104.96 worth of pizza. There was no way I wasn't going to claim it back.
Before you ask, no I didn't eat it all myself - it was for a lunchtime presentation. Eating twelve large pizzas would have been a truly terrible way to start Lent. Plus I'd never have made it up the stairs to the Finance office.
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