I flipped open the card and did what we all do when presented with The Card of Many Signatures; I hovered over it with a biro while reading everybody else's platitudes.
"I'm not even sure he knows who I am," I said out loud, twiddling the pen between my fingers. Some braver people (managers) had written things like: "How old?" and "Welcome to the Saga Set" which I'm sure the Big Cheese will find uproarious. Morlocks like me on the ground floor don't get to banter with the shiny shoes though. Not unless we're looking for a Card of Many Signatures of our own, with a P45 folded inside it.
There is no way the End of Level Boss knows all our names. In the end I picked a corner with a little bit of white space left between the flurries of signatures. In the smallest, neatest writing I could form, I simply wrote the words "Happy Birthday, Matt S" and took the card to the nearest developer to repeat the process. He didn't look too happy at being interrupted.
That is exactly what happens though with the Card of Many Signatures. I was tempted to sign it as Dilbert. The chances are though that someone would have recognised my tiny writing.
He's hard to read, the Boss. He strides in and is never indecisive, he carries that balance of charm and stern focus and he is a deft salesperson of ideas, concepts and big decisions. I can't work out whether those traits make him naturally likeable or not. With one withering look he could obliterate a department, while a good day for us is clearly a good day for him. He mixes humour and sincerity with discipline and keenness, like all the upstairs eloi. Image is critical. Sharpness of mind and smoothness of tongue is essential, and time is everything to his busy life.
"I know it's hard to believe," I said to Jamie the developer, "but the Boss has a birthday and they've asked you to sign the card." Jamie looked at me as though I were a contemptible fool. He had been in the middle of coding and I'd tried to be funny but had come across like an idiot.
I don't know that I have the people-skills ever to get to the End of Level Boss. I doubt I'll ever be parking the Ferrari in between the very ordinary Ford Focuses and VW Polos that fill up the car park. At least no time soon, anyway,
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