I did one of those online personality tests: you know the kind of thing - it asks you whether you'd kill an annoying person in a lift, or how many chandeliers you've swung from at parties, and then it works out your personality type with an algorithm, reducing you to a number of carefully calculated categories.
It turns out that I'm so awesome I crashed the website.
Yep, clearly my blend of witty repartee and unshrinking charisma is so far off the chart that the computer program working behind the scenes just gave up trying to crunch the numbers.
I must be like Neo from the The Matrix. That'll explain why I don't get invited on work dos any more - too intidimating; my lightning fast humour and razor-sharp observations are like kung-fu in hyperspace, and no-one likes a show-off. No curry nights for Mr Anderson over there, I imagine my colleagues saying. He's just too cool for that kind of school.
Of course, having a system-crashing, Internet-dazzling, world-shattering personality comes with a downside. I'm so brilliant I've got nothing to measure it against. It would have been nice if the computer had just told me what was obviously the case - it could have flashed up a message: Oh it's you, we're not worthy, we're not worthy... or something. But computers don't think like that. It just said Please Wait... for about half an hour. Then it went blank.
Which is probably most people's reaction when they figure out how amazing I am.
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