In fact, I look at them and it's obvious. But what's equally obvious is the sinking realisation that I can do nothing about them - nothing at all. Well, actually, I could, I could make them all much worse, go in and mess about with people's feelings until the wires are all short-circuiting and the buttons don't work at all and there are sparks and angry faces... but that isn't really a favourable choice, and so it's no option at all.
It's humiliating to be so powerless. These things reduce all your strength, your desire, passion and inbuilt sense of justice, all to the bleachers, where you sit spectating. You have not been chosen. You are not playing. You are watching, and that has to be okay.
I have a cold. It's one of those nose-streaming, uncomfortable, ticklish throat colds; a virus which has especially mutated itself in the freezing wind, just for me. It's annoying and it's making me grumpy. And sneezy. And... well, you can work that joke out for yourselves can't you?
I snuffled round Sainsbury's after work. I am definitely getting faster at my snaking route down all the aisles, one at a time (except one). I think I did the whole thing in thirty minutes today. Though I did nearly crash into a very pretty girl. She stopped, looked at me and smiled as I jammed my trolley to a halt. It was a tiny moment of connection, but like so many things, the moment flicked away in three quarters of one single second.
Like so many things. I do understand you know; I do understand the life of the stargazer and his astronaut dreams. But I am a fixer who has to learn how to be a coper at the moment. And while I can't do anything at all to fix, to intervene, to change a heart or reverse a decision, I can learn how to trust the Maker of all those things.
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