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More TV adverts with the Intrepids today. Listen, do me a favour: if I'm ever approaching being anything close to (or ever claim to be) "So Money Supermarket"... would one of you be able to just pang me round the head with the back of a shovel please? Don't warn me, just thwack me before it's too late.

Also, a very touching commercial came on about the interconnectedness of our species - dramatic sweeping angles, swooning violins, emotional phonecalls, mum racing across town to be with her homesick daughter, chef gets an emergency text and must leave immediately (okay then) ... turns out it was an advert for tyres! Tyres! I have never bought tyres out of the need to 'reconnect' with someone or even thought about it while racing to an emergency. Like most of us, I expect, I have only ever bought tyres because a greasy-faced man in overalls told me I had to.

Meanwhile, over at Admiral Car Insurance, they want you to believe that their business meetings are run by an actual admiral (an Eighteenth Century admiral of course) in a nautical boardroom. Oh and apparently, your new best friend is waiting for you to simply pop into Vision-Optical-Saver-Express or whatever they're called, ready to help you choose your next pair of glasses as though they've known you since you were fourteen.

I know you're supposed to take these things with a pinch of salt, but really? You want us to believe all this? Last time I went into the opticians, it was like a kind of stuffy, short-sighted purgatory. It was roasting and there was barely room to slip out of your coat without elbowing someone trying on a pair of frameless bifocals.

I'm not a marketing expert, but I honestly think I'd prefer something simple.

"We can find out whether or not you need spectacles, and we can find a pair that makes you look okay."

"Look, if your vehicle fails its MOT, we really recommend you buy these tyres - they'll last, they'll grip the road and they're great value for money."

"Hey, we know you're required by law to have car insurance, and we think you'd benefit a lot from what we have to offer, even though it is a bit awkward that we're profiting out of mandatory government legislation as well as other people's terrible driving. Come and find us online and we'll help you."

What I don't need is Skeletor, yes, Skeletor... prancing about because he's saved money, a thing which, as a sorcerer and general purveyor of evil, he surely must consider beneath himandanywayhe'saCARTOONCHARACTER!

And breathe out. I fully concede that these biro-chewing marketeers do it (partially) to wind us up so that people like me will go on about it. It's all publicity for them, even if they annoy us. If one half of the population have their silly catchphrases and jingles stuck in their heads, and the other half is hopping mad about it, those boardroom types can go home with a swing in their step... presumably whistling the GoCompare song with a wry smile of irony.

I am so glad I don't have a television sometimes.

Seriously though, if I ever fall for it... Pang!