Well would you believe it - the umbrella I bought for £3 in Sports Direct has actually broken!
What an outrage!
It just sort of snapped. And not the usual way! It didn't blow itself inside-out in the wind or rip off the spokes until it looked like a bedraggled television antenna.
No, it just bent in the middle. Right down the stem! Like a warped tree trunk in a hurricane, it just twisted itself out of shape. Then I tried to collapse the whole thing and somehow, me shoving it shut weakened the metal (well I think it's metal) and the entire contraption just sort of snapped clean in two.
I might write to Sports Direct. Shoddy isn't it, breakable umbrellas on sale in a notoriously cost-cutting-low-budget-zero-hours-contract-operating-warehouse-and-retail outlet? I'm sure Mike Ashleigh will understand.
There's me thinking all the great golfers nipped down to their local store when they needed a proper golfing umbrella: Rory McIlroy, Tiger Woods, that other one... you never see those guys wrestling with Sports Direct brollies on the thirteenth green! Some guys have all the luck.
This is just like that time I got a mini-rucksack on sale from the Argos catalogue. One trip out on the windy hills of West Berkshire with it stuffed full of jumpers, rain macs, picnic, spare shoes, first-aid kit, and essential survival supplies (Cadbury's chocolate buttons) ... and the zip broke! I had to tie it up with the lanyard from an old work security pass, while muttering how things weren't made to last anymore.
I carried my umbrella home and ceremoniously dumped it into the bin. Funny, I thought to myself. It had only just come out of a bin really - from bargain to wheelie in less than two weeks.
Unbelievable.
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