There are definitely moments when being in the office would be a lot better. Conflicts for example. With a sigh, I have to admit that conflicts are not escapable, and remote conflicts are even harder to avoid.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that trying to make conflicts inevitable, actually makes them much more likely - which means rather than just storing up your troubles like a pressure cooker, you may as well just face them when they come.
I'm not very good at this part of my job. I'm just saying. I have the tendency to do three things which are like chemicals combining into a toxic reaction.
1. I think I'm right. No harm in that really, I guess we all do when we have an opinion - a pretty normal mixture in the grand scheme of things. But it's only helpful if I'm not fixed on the idea that I always have to be right. I need to be flexible enough to say, I'm right but I might be wrong.
2. I'm defensive. There's great skill in being able to defend your argument, and if you think you're right, being able to explain your view is important. But my attitude burns holes through my argument sometimes and I'm fully aware that I can be a bit like a hedgehog being poked with a stick. That's not good.
3. I take it all too personally. Pride in your work is important; but wrapping your own skill up in your opinion is like pouring acid into a paper cup. There's a fragility in the paper that will be evaporated by the criticism - and if you're inseparable from your output, it'll be you that gets burned open. And that is painful.
So these chemicals have to be treated very cautiously, I think. I felt them mix together yesterday when my opinion was under threat. Being at home, invisible to the other people in the chat, made it tough to know how to respond to people openly telling me I'm wrong about a thing I'm supposed to be the expert in. There was an effervescence about the conversation, corroding my pride and eating away at my competence. I reflected on it later with my manager.
I'm going to do a learning course on conflict, I think. I have the access to one. It'll be interesting to see whether I can apply some safeguards to help the chemistry of 1,2 and 3, work for me, instead of eating me up.
What I did yesterday (and I hope I'm learning) was to ask a lot of questions, explain that I was trying to understand, and then say thanks to the person who was boiling me. I figured gratitude, clarity, and teachability might go some way to helping diffuse the situation.
I do think this would be a lot easier in person though. Still some way to go before those days are back.
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