EXPENSIVE POTATOES

The other night I dreamed that Sainsbury’s were asking for £23.50 for a potato. In the dream, I pulled out the little spud, and showed it to the manager.

“Do I look like George Clooney?” I asked him, “Do you think I can afford an overpriced potato? And look at it!”

He was sheepish. The potato was being thrust toward him.

He was though, unmoved by my protests. He and the customer services person just tapped away at a computer and it kept coming back with the same number, £23.50. And if the system said it, no matter how ridiculous, now matter whether they themselves also thought it unfair, preposterous, absurd, or erroneous, they were clearly compelled to stick to it. Because it is the system.

I think I know where this dream comes from. Especially at the moment, it seems, the ‘system’ looks like a gigantic network of computers and people against which it’s easy to bump heads, but impossible to escape. The operator on the end of the phone feels your pain; they can hear it in your voice, and perhaps they too have worrying gas bills, or can’t fathom why BP and Shell are making huge profits out of all of our misery. But they are employed; they are in The System, and it’s their responsibility to tell you to pay up, or to coldly refer to your ‘liability’ (thanks, Kieran From The Council) or even to tell you that potatoes are now apparently £23.50 each.

We’re growing our own potatoes. Not because of the dream, but actually because it seems like a great thing to do. We’re also growing tomatoes, carrots, chillis, herbs, and parsnips.

I don’t much like this faceless System. It blots out that kindness and straight-thinking, that little voice of human compassion that says, ‘Of course potatoes aren’t worth £23.50, of course this is just silly; we are so sorry. Here, take this one for nothing; there’s obviously something at fault here. We’ll look into it for next time,’ instead of backing up the computer the whole time.

I should stress that Sainsbury’s are absolutely not being extortionate with their potatoes. For balance, they’re quite reasonable outside the dreamworld. And to be fair, vegetables are a renewable resource.

But it’s a timely reminder, I suspect, that there are companies out there digging resources out of the ground, just as they always have, and they are selling it and pushing it round, and providing it to us, for an absurd markup. And it might as well be £23.50 per potato, or a lot worse.