AMAZON'S TOP PICKS

I’ve just logged into Amazon and clicked ‘Top Picks For You’. It’s a like a catalogue of how much my life seems to have changed - at least at first glance. To be honest, I don’t even understand how these things have made it to the list.

Lavazza Coffee Beans

Did I order something like this for a present? I have entirely no need for Lavazza Coffee Beans. I don’t even know if they’re any good. Are they any good? Why, Amazon?

Earth Rated Dog Poo Bags

New look, Guaranteed leak proof… I can’t read any more. Never owned a dog. Mystified.

Johnson’s Baby Cotton Bud Pack of 200

Seems like a lot of cotton buds. Perhaps too many cotton buds.

Dr Beckman Carpet Stain Remover

Useful, I guess? Never seen it before.

UNO Classic

Fair enough. Probably bought it as a gift a while ago - that’s the kind of thing we’d give away as a gift for sure.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Heard of it. Looked it up once. Never read it. Is it one of those passing fad books that’s popular for a month and then never spoken of again? I feel as though I’ve read a few of those.

Mr Muscle Drain Unblocker Heavy Duty

Okay. The less said the better.

PHILIPS Fabric Shaver

That’s a little gadget that removes lint from clothes. I don’t know what it’s doing in my top picks list - it took my sister-in-law a week to clean a jumper with one of those things.

BARR American Cream Soda

Yuk

Andrex Toilet Rolls

Is this synced with our online shopping list?

Finish All in 1 Powerball dishwasher Tabs

Maybe…

Kitchen Roll

Yes.

Batteries

Christmas.

Air Fryer Recipe Book

Christmas.

CRAYOLA Markers

Sammy.

Pepsi Max Pack of 24

Not Sammy.

How to Win At Chess: The Ultimate Guide For Beginners

Me.

The Cheeky Panda Bamboo Toilet Paper

Not me.

Happy 30th Birthday Sophie Cake Topper

Who’s Sophie?

Pack of 50 Tealights

Sounds like the kind of thing we’d order.

Nescafe Gold Blend Instant Coffee 750g Tin

If the Lavazza wasn’t going to make the cut, I’m really not sure why the algorithm thinks this’ll be alright.

I reckon someone’s been using my Amazon account to browse for things. I used to look for cool shoes and smart watches, or at least Lego sets! Toilet roll? Coffee beans? I just don’t know where the algorithm is getting its data.