BLUE CORPORATE GLOW

I’ve been away with work for a couple of days. At one point, I scanned around the u-shaped arrangement of tables and wondered what I was doing there. Hotel conference room, curtains closed so we could all see the projector, colleagues bathed in the dull blue glow of open laptops. Person presenting.

Don’t misunderstand me. The whole thing was really fine, and these are very dedicated people who are invested in their jobs. They talked work on their breaks, over dinner, over coffee. They knew their stuff and they wholeheartedly threw themselves into discussion as if this soft blue light were something, perhaps the only thing, to live for. As though there were nothing else. And there I was - feeling like the artist who accidentally went through the wrong door at careers fest.

I sighed softly to myself. It doesn’t do any good to think like this; I’m not superior to them, and one way or the other I chose this path just like they did. Only innocent man in Shawshank. Perhaps they had dreams too, perhaps this is a deviation they’re making the most of. Perhaps they’re just really good at being professional. Perhaps that’s my trouble.

I don’t think I did a fantastic job of socialising either. I tried, but I ended up being so quiet! I didn’t make anybody laugh. I don’t even think I went deep. I was just a bit boring and a bit shy. In fact, I’m not even sure my goodbye registered when I slung my rucksack on and headed to the car to come home.

Two women were chatting by the coffee machine. They weren’t anything to do with us, but they had that same kind of corporate investment in their bearing.

“I think what we need to do is to be systems managers in our boundaries,” said one.

“Yeah,” said the other, “We should put down some responsibility markers.”

I don’t think even they knew what any of that meant. I zipped up my jacket and strode purposefully toward the car park.